Cursum Perficio
by Soonerwxgirl
Summary: Everyone wants to be loved by their Queen: her King, her children, her people, and her lover. But can their love in return forgive one of the worst sins of all? Or will it lead to the ultimate downfall? Told partly from the point-of-view of Snow White's daughter, Sara.
1. Chapter 1

**Cursum Perficio ("I finish the course")**

_Enya "Watermark"; Lyrics by Roma Ryan_

**Cursum Perficio - I finish the course**

**Verbum sapienti: - A word to the wise:**

** Quo plus habent, - the more [people] have,**

** Eo plus cupiunt - the more they want.**

** Post nubile, Phoebus - After the clouds, Phoebus**

** Iternum - Journey [My journey ends here]**

My brother William's coronation is today. At 19 years young, I hope he's ready for the challenges of leading a country. Though I guess our mother was roughly the same age when she defeated the Evil Queen and began her 12-year reign. Maybe her youth is what led to her downfall? I shouldn't say that, for all I know are rumors. I hope one day my mother will tell me her story in detail, for whatever happened eight years ago will not change my love for her.

A knock on my door brought me ungraciously out of my reverie. "Come in." I spoke softly.

Anne, one of the older ladies' maids entered, my dress for the coronation draped neatly across her outstretched arms. The light peach fabric simmered with hints of pink and gold as the early afternoon light streamed in through the window. I nodded my thanks, briefly touching the softly flowing fabric.

"Thank you, Anne. Please lay it out on my lounge." I motioned to the chaise behind me. She obediently walked over and draped the dress across the end of the lounge, gently smoothing out any wrinkles. I saw her brief courtesy as she made to leave the room, but she stopped at the door and turned around.

"You don't deserve any of this, you know. You're just like the rest of us. Nothing." _Nothing. _The word echoed in my mind. She made a sign across her chest with her hands.

"Excuse me? How dare you talk your Princess in such a fashion! Leave this room at once before I have you dragged out." My voice had risen a few octaves as I tried to stand my ground once again. I hid one shaking hand behind my back.

"You are just like him. Arrogant. Stubborn. Willful. And above all things, common. You should be bringing the dresses to Princess Mary, and not me." She whispered spitefully.

She left before I had a chance to respond. My blood was boiling, and I knew if I looked in the mirror I would be redder than the setting sun. But I never acted on that anger, for I did not know what to do. I am, unfortunately, used to these comments now. I think back over what I remember of my sixteen years, and I realize it has always been this way. I looked back at my reflection in the mirror, my color slowly returning to normal, and remembered, all over again, the many hateful words spoken to me over the years.

_When I was younger, others at court looked at me differently. William, almost 3 years my senior, has always been my protector. My brother and I could not be more different in appearance. His dark curls and cream skin highlight the beauty between my mother and father. My golden curls, blue eyes and freckles make me a shining beacon of dissimilarity next to William. Cruel things, like what Anne just said, were often said to my face even as a child, often questioning my parentage and pointing fingers. _

_Though many of my childhood memories have faded, I can remember their fateful cruel words with crystal clarity. Bastard. Whore's daughter. Common urchin. I never understood why people at court felt the incessant need to be hateful. My mother restored peace to the land, and slowly, the land began to flourish again. People had food on their plates, and warm places to lay their heads. Was that not enough for the nobility? Did they need some sort of scandal to lighten up their days? To keep them occupied?_

_William would always come to my defense. Either pulling me away from the situation, or directly speaking back to whoever uttered the hateful words. Unfortunately, the latter option was frowned upon by my father. King William knew what was being said around court, and though outwardly dismissing the rumors, I know now how deeply they affected him. _

_My harassment at court only would increase in the years to follow the birth of my sister, Mary, when I was three years old. Mary is the spitting image of my mother, and likewise, my brother William. My uniqueness continued to stand out. My mother would always say I took after her grandmother, but nobody else seemed to remember what she looked like._

_When I was seven years old, and my mother had been Queen for almost 11 years, my youngest brother Thomas was born. Much to my parents' dismay, or at least my fathers', Thomas was born with shockingly blue eyes and blond curls. Being only seven, I was so excited, because I was no longer unique. To me, this was proof that the awful words the nobles at court outwardly spoke were false. _

_However, things did not improve. I was whisked off to the countryside with my brothers and sister, so we were not around court as things deteriorated. During that summer away from court, my mother visited as often as she could. But one day in particular, she was accompanied by the Captain of her Royal Guard. She explained to us children that she was ill, and that the remedy was to remove herself from the court and live in the country, with the fresh air and plentiful sunshine. She looked ill to me, and so we were happy to have her in the country with us, and promised her we would help her feel better. I still remember her weak smile, and how she briefly glanced back at her Captain, who truly looked more ill. In fact, I remember the multiple bruises on his face, and how he walked with a slight limp. Why I remember that, I'm not sure._

_We spent the rest of the summer together as a family. Our father would visit periodically, but the tension between him and my mother was evident, even to us children. By the end of the summer, my brother and sister and I were called back to our life at court, and tutors were assigned to William and I. Since Thomas was still an infant, he stayed with my mother for awhile longer, until proper arrangements had been made for him. We were allowed to visit our mother periodically, but never very often. We were told frequent visits would disrupt her recovery. Her health appeared to improve with country life. Every time I visited, she looked healthier. More color appeared in her cheeks, and she acted happy and relaxed, though I imagined, once Thomas was taken back to court, she was lonely all by herself in the country cottage. _

_I begged father to let her come back to court since she appeared to be feeling so much better, but he always said her health would fail again if she returned. So, for the past eight years, I've happily visited her as often as I was allowed. It's been four months since I've seen her last, and the last time I unfortunately brought the news of my father's passing._

_"Oh, my dear Sara Rose. It's so good to see your beautiful face." She said sweetly as my mother opened the door of the cottage. I walked eagerly into her open arms. "I've missed you too, Mother." _

_She pulled back from our embrace and studied my face. "What is wrong, Sara?"_

_"Oh, Momma," I began crying earnestly, "Papa's dead." I threw my arms back around my mother's neck and hung on tightly. My mother started to cry too, leaning against my shoulder. We stood like that for a few minutes before I heard footsteps. _

_"What has happened?" The deeply accented voice said. I looked up, surprised to see the Captain striding across the room. My father had said he returned home to his village many years ago. My mother reached out a hand and grasped his outstretched one, pulling him over to us. _

_"King William has passed away." She said slowly, turning her head back towards me as tears filled her eyes again. The Captain reached a hand up to her face, but she gave a quick shake no before looking at me again. He withdrew his hand, before placing a hand on each of our shoulders. _

_"I am so sorry for your loss." He paused, looking back at my mother, before turning to me, "How did he die?"_

_"About two weeks ago, he fell off his horse and hit his head while out riding," I stammered, trying to contain my tears enough to speak, "he never woke up. Oh Mama, they wouldn't let me come get you. I begged and pleaded, but they refused." _

_"He was too young to pass." The Captain said, "Are they requesting the Queen back at court for the funeral?" The last question came out as a whisper._

_"No," I said confusedly, looking back at the Captain, "they know her illness will return if she comes back. The country air is much better for her. They wouldn't let her come back to see Papa before he passed and they won't let her come back now, even for a day," I paused, looking back at my mother, "William will be crowned in a few months time."_

_She nodded, and slowly sat down, placing her head in her hands. "I know they will be expecting you back soon, but please wish William my best. And tell him I miss him." I nodded. _

_"How is Thomas?" The Captain asked quietly. _

_"He's doing well, Captain. He is a rambunctious nine-year old boy. And Mary is fine, though no one seems to remember to ask about her." I did not mean the last statement to sound harsh, but my sister always seems to be forgotten. My mother winced at my words. "And your daughter, Ivy, is still wild at heart. I think my brother will have a hard time catching her." _

_I watched his eyes narrow at the mention of Ivy, his only daughter, who was born just a few days after me, and then a small smile graced his face. "Please send her my love." He added._

_"Please send all my children my wishes, and love. Please ask them to come visit as well." She paused, trying to hold back additional tears, "I will pray for your father. He's been a great King, and I miss him greatly. I wish…" the tears started to flow freely down her face, and she reached a shaky hand out to the Captain, "I wish I could have seen him one more time. Tell him I am sorry, so sorry, for everything," she paused to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I am blessed that you continue to visit, Sara. Though you may not see it, you bring me great joy, my daughter, and I love you." _

_I walked over and hugged my mother before bidding her goodnight. The Captain walked me quietly to the door, before softly speaking, "Please be careful at court, Sara." _

_I was shocked at his forwardness, and straightened myself up to respond. "Captain, please remember that you are speaking to a Princess of Tabor, and I should be addressed as such." I immediately regretted my words as his faced showed my words had wounded him. "I'm sorry, Captain. I did not mean to be rude. We are all on edge right now. And thank you for your warning. I am always careful at court."_

_"Thank you, Princess." He said and gestured to the open door. I quickly exited the small cottage, hurrying over to my horse to make my way back to the castle._

A frantic knock came at my door, and I startled away from my mirror, realizing I had a wasted a precious few minutes reliving the my unfortunate harassment at court.

"Please come in." I spoke clearly, and the door burst open with a flurry of activity.

Ivy, my best friend, came running in streaming glittering greens and golds all around her. We are only two weeks apart in age, and outside of my siblings, I've spent most of my other time with her. Many confused us for sisters, twins even, with our matching golden curls and rosy complexion.

"Oh Sara, my heart is racing! How do I look? Fit for a Queen?" The gleam in her eye was unmistakable. Her love for my brother William has been mostly kept secret around the castle, but now that his coronation has arrived, he may begin to publicly court her. Ivy can hardly contain her enthusiasm.

"You look beautiful, Ivy, as always." I smiled.

She graciously helped me into my dress, and we stood side-by-side admiring our new dresses in the mirror.

"My maid said something again today." I whispered. Ivy placed an arm around my shoulder and gave a gently squeeze.

"Please ignore the idle gossip. That's all it is…" She hesitated a moment before continuing, "but I have said it before, would it be so bad if you truly were my sister?"

"Of course it would be! It would mean my mother lied to my father, and me. It would mean this beautiful dream I have tried to believe in is just an illusion. It would mean, "I gasped for air, trying to fight back tears, "it would mean the man we have been mourning, our late King, is not my father. It means I am nothing!"

Ivy sighed, having had this similar conversation with me several times.

"Then this _nothing, _" Ivy pointed to herself, "might be your next Queen." She stated firmly, with her hands on her hips.

I could not resist laughing. Ivy always knew how to cheer me up.

"But really, Sara, put this behind you. Do not let it ruin this evening for you! I heard young Henry Charleston is practically dying in hopes of a dance, or two, with you tonight." Her eyes twinkled and she wiggled her eyebrow suggestively.

"Henry? Really? Well then I plan on having a splendid evening!" I winked, and Ivy squealed ridiculously.

"Wonderful! Well let us head down quickly. I want to make a grand entrance." Ivy started for the door, as I glanced at my reflection one last time. I lifted my chin resolutely and gently tossed my golden curls.

I am my father's daughter. Whoever that may be.


	2. Chapter 2

The coronation was spectacular. William looked regal in his crimson doublet. He went simple on overall adornment, making sure our mother's crown, though altered to fit him, was the centerpiece of his appearance.

The hall was crowded as many came to see the new King. In my eyes, he will always be my playful, charming yet stubborn older brother. On the other hand, I was ungraciously run in to, pushed around and tripped over in the crowd, as if my person, let alone my title, were utterly invisible. Any other day I would be horribly offended, but not today. After my maids' harsh words earlier, my mind could not forget the fact that I was only tolerated at court, but not liked.

The few I would really call friends, though mainly my siblings or Ivy, blended into the crowd. I secretly hoped Ivy was correct, and that young Henry did want to dance.

The bugles blared across the long hall, signaling the beginning of the post coronation festivities. Tables of gourmet food lined either side of the hall, while the middle was reserved for dancing. A quartet of musicians sat in the overhang, looking down upon on the gathering and awaiting the new King's nod to strike the first note.

The crowd parted and I watched my brother glide to the middle of the dance floor. He bowed graciously towards the musicians in the balcony and they shifted into their playing positions. He turned, searching the crowd for, I assume, Ivy. She and I had briefly separated in the long hall, and I'd been actively searching for her when my brother made his entrance.

The crowd parted, bowing slightly as was customary the King passed. Indeed, he stopped in front of Ivy. With a small nod of his head he extended his hand in offering to Ivy. Obviously, she accepted his hand, curtseying gracefully at the same time.

"My, my, the crowd will accept one daughter of their former Captain as their possible future Queen, but not another. How fical."

I glanced at my younger sister, Mary. She had quietly appeared next to me, watching our brother's first royal dance as King. Though three years my junior, she was acutely aware of her surroundings, observing every little detail.

"Since when did you believe all the idle gossip, Mary?"

"Since I was old enough to really look at you when you and Ivy were together." She said nonchalantly.

I grabbed my sister by the arm and not-so-gently pulled her away from the dancing area.

"You will hold your tongue, Mary. You do no good by spreading such hurtful lies," she raised her eyebrows at me. "This is our brothers' night. Please do no ruin it."

"Whatever appeases you, sister. At least someone does not mind your _invisible _scandal." She nodded towards someone behind me as she lightly walked away.

A great huff of air escaped my lips as I tried to regain my composure and turned back toward the scene behind me. As Mary had indicated, someone was intently watching me.

I smiled and nodded in Henry's direction before wading my way gently through the sea of colors, sounds and smells. As easily as the sky changes color with the varying sun angle, the fabrics draping the various nobles ebbed from reds to golds and blues. The tapestries, made especially for William's coronation, shimmered iridescently as the candlelight flickered off their images.

So as not to seem too eager, I stopped briefly for a quick sip of wine. The musicians had changed their tune, and other couples were now flooding the floor to dance alongside my brother and Ivy.

A small breeze fluttered by my gown and the scent of orange caressed my nose as a soft voice whispered in my ear.

"May I have this dance, Princess?" Henry smiled at me, extending his elbow to entice me out on the dance floor.

"I would love to, Henry, thank you." I placed my hand in the crook of his arm, and allowed him to sweep me onto the dance floor.

I danced the evening hours away, mostly with Henry, but once with my brother. For that one moment I felt important, for I was dancing with a King. With Henry, I felt special, and allowed the warmth of his hands on my waist and his sweet whispers in my ear, to consume me.

"Excuse me, your Highness."

Henry and I stopped dancing. One of the Royal Guard was standing a short distance away, bowing his head, waiting to be acknowledged. "Yes," I squinted, trying to remember his name, "Matthew, am I right? What is it?"

"Yes, your Highness. I apologize for interrupting, but there is a man at the front gate, asking to speak with you and the Lady Ivy."

"Can this not wait until the morning?" Henry asked, a bit agitated. I gently placed my hand on his arm.

"Yes, Matthew, can this not wait? We are in the middle of festivities." Matthew looked sheepishly at me.

"We told him you were occupied, but he insisted it was an emergency."

"What a brute." Henry stated. "Who is asking to speak with the Princess?"

Matthew looked around distractedly, as if checking to see who was close by. He took a few steps closer to us, and leaned in to whisper, "Sir Eric, the former Captain."

Henry looked shocked, but I remembered seeing the Captain at my most recent visit to see my mother. Panic began to fill my body, and I gripped Henry's shirt. _Mother. _

"I must find Ivy. We have to see what he needs. If something has happened to Momma..." Scanning the room, I found Ivy tucked along the wall. Weaving around other dancing couples, I tried to not knock anyone over. Henry was close on my heels, gently calling my name.

Ivy glanced up at me as I approached, and her face visibly darkened as she saw my worried expression. "Sara, what ..."

"Your father is at the front gate." I cut her question off quickly. "He is asking to speak with both us. He says it is an emergency." Ivy nodded, setting her drink down.

"Henry, we will be back shortly." I tried to smile genuinely at him, apologizing for running off so quickly. He smiled shyly back, and watched us as we walked over to Matthew, the Royal Guard, and followed him out of the hall.

Following Matthew to the front gate, I could see the Captain pacing, his boots covered in mud. He was visibly upset.

"Good Gods, Ivy, what took you so long?" He gestured to his daughter, nearly knocking us over as he rushed over to meet us.

"Nice to see you too, father." She placed her hands on her hips, a smirk playing across her face. Only Ivy could get away with humor in a tense situation.

"Ivy, Princess, you must come to the cottage now. One of you go fetch the midwife. We must make haste." He was shaking, and his words were rushed.

"A midwife? I am confused. Is my mother alright?" His gazed pierced through me, and bent over placing his head in his hands.

"Aye, please go find her. It is too early for the babe to come, too early." He looked at us, obviously distraught. Ivy nodded, and headed back towards the castle.

I stared dumbfounded at the Captain. _Baby. _My mother was with child? But I had only seen her four months ago. But he said it was too early?

"The babe should not be here for another month. Your mother didn't want to worry you."

The silence between us was deafening. I probably looked like a fish opening and closing my mouth as I did, but I could not find the right words.

Ivy came running back towards the front gate, the midwife right behind her.

"It's too early. Being her fifth bairn, the babe may just slide on out." The midwife stated firmly.

"Why do you think I'm here, Edith? We must make haste!"

Staying silent, Ivy and I followed the Captain and midwife over to his wagon. I looked down at my beautiful dress, and then back up towards the hay-strewn wagon.

Sighing dramatically, for my mind was still trying to process that my mother was having a baby, I heaved myself up on the back of the wagon. Ivy gripped my hand tightly, shrugging her shoulders in surrender to this situation.

My mind wandered during the ensuing ride that I did not even realize we reached the little cottage. I startled when a deep groan emanated from inside. I was the last one inside by the time I extricated myself from the wagon. I ran back to my mother's room, finding the midwife already standing at the end of the bed with her sleeves rolled up, poised as if to catch a baby immediately. My mother groaned again, and I watched as the Captain gently bent over, brushing her hair from her face and whispering in her ear.

Even with the agony of childbirth, a smile lit up her face as she turned to see me. Pain erased the smile as she groaned again, violently gripping the Captain's hand.

"Everyone out, it is about time to meet this wee little one." Edith, the midwife, shouted.

"No, no, no, Eric stays." My mother cried, reaching for him as if he was already moving toward the door.

"Shhh, shhh, I'm here, Snow. I'm not leaving."

Ivy and I hurried out of the room, closing the door swiftly behind us. We stared at each other, realizing the consequences of what was happening.

"I guess we will have a new sibling shortly." No sooner had the words left Ivy's mouth then the cry of a newborn echoed in the night. I think we both wept in shock.

The time seemed to slow before the Captain emerged from the room, carrying a small bundle in his arms. The smile on his face was indescribable.

"Come, meet your sister." He smiled up at us. "This is Elizabeth Grace." The small bundle squirmed in his arms at the mention of her name. I walked up to him, outstretching my arms in a silent invitation. He gently passed Elizabeth to me, and I admired the little girl in my arms. I looked back up to the Captain, and tears were in his eyes.

"You can not know the joy I feel having all my daughters together." He placed an arm around my shoulder, and beckoned Ivy over to us, placing the other around her. My eyebrows raised as his words sunk in._ Were the rumors around court actually true? _"Let your mother rest tonight. I'm sure she'd like to talk to you more in the morning. Let me show you both to the guest room. I should be able to find something for you all to wear instead of those fancy things." He chuckled, pointing at our fancy dresses, which look even more ridiculously fancy when immersed inside the simple cottage.

We followed him back to the room, and I reluctantly passed my sleeping sister back into his arms. "I will see you both in the morning. I must get Elizabeth back to her Mama, she will need to eat soon."

"Father?" Ivy asked, speaking for the first time in awhile.

"Yes?"

"Congratulations." She whispered, before adding, "I've missed you." Sadness was clearly written across his face at her words.

"I've missed you too. We must talk tomorrow. It's been too long." Ivy nodded. He bid us good night, and gently closed the door.

"You knew he was staying here? Why did you not tell me?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized I had said them. My feelings were hurt. She knew of his involvement with my mother. She ultimately knew what that meant about me too.

"I was told to not tell you. Your mother wanted to do that, and besides Sara, it is not like I talk to my father all the time. I had no idea about the baby." She sighed, the bed sinking under light weight.

"I must sleep on this. I cannot think on it anymore tonight." I changed as quickly as I could out of my dress, and huddled against Ivy under the covers.

Sleep would elude me for most of the night, thinking back not only over the events, but also the Captain's words. _My daughters._ _It was as my maid said, I am nothing._

The cries of a newborn woke me periodically throughout the night. By the time the morning sun filtered in through the window, I was exhausted. I could hear steps outside my door, and I assumed it was the Captain moving around, and not my mother. Sliding out of bed so as not to wake Ivy, I crept to the door and stepped into the larger living room. The Captain was gently walking back and forth, baby Elizabeth asleep in his arms. He stopped and looked up when I closed the door behind me.

"Good morning, Sara. I hope, under the circumstances, you slept well?" I nodded, unsure I could speak coherently to this man, whom just hours ago called me his daughter. "Your mother is awake, if you'd like to speak with her."

I smiled briefly, following him over to the bedroom door and slipping inside. My mother looked exhausted, but amazingly better than last night. She smiled warmly as I entered.

"Oh, Sara, I have much to tell you don't I?" She gently patted the space next to her on the bed. Quickly, I walked over and sat next to her, grasping her hand in mine.

"Momma, I am so confused. Please tell me everything. But I must first say, my new sister is beautiful."

"She definitely is beautiful. She looks so much like you did as a baby." She grasped my hand tightly. "Will you stay for awhile, I would like to tell you my story, and really your story too."

"I have all the time in the world, Momma." A small knock on the door brought the Captain and baby Elizabeth into the room.

"She's a wee bit hungry, Snow." On cue, Elizabeth let out a small cry and waved a small fist.

"Thank you." He gently kissed my mother's forehead after placing Elizabeth in her arms. "Please stay, Eric."

"I will, after I bring you all some breakfast."

My mother adjusted Elizabeth in her arms so she could nurse easily. "Well, Sara, where should I begin?"

"The beginning?" I suggested.

"You know the beginning, at least my beginning. How about your beginning?" I nodded, the anxiety building in me as I had waited a long time to hear this story.

"Well, Sara, it all began shortly after Williams birth."

_Thanks! I hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it! Please review =)  
_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I apologize for the delay. My original goal has been a chapter a week, but visiting family and then sickness slowed this one down a bit. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy!  
_

_Previously from Cursum Perficio_

My mother adjusted Elizabeth in her arms so she could nurse easily. "Well, Sara, where should I begin?"

"The beginning?" I suggested.

"You know the beginning, at least my beginning. How about your beginning?" I nodded, the anxiety building in me as I had waited a long time to hear this story.

"Well, Sara, it all began shortly after Williams birth."

_18 years ago_

"What are your plans for the day, Snow?" William asked me, while attempting to hook the buttons of his shirt.

"Here, let me do that for you." Smiling, my small fingers worked deftly, having had over two years of practice both buttoning, and unbuttoning his shirts. "I am going to take baby William out for a walk around the wall. Eric mentioned the repairs are almost finished, and I would like to see how the work is coming. Plus, I do not have a council meeting today...for once."

"Sounds wonderful." William put his hands around mine, his thumb lightly caressing my wrist. "Maybe you can help me with these buttons again, later?" I did not even have time to nod in affirmation before his lips captured mine in a heady kiss. I still feel like we are newlyweds, even after two years of marriage and a one-year old son. His hands fiercely gripped my hips, roughly pulling me against him, and I threaded my fingers through his dark curls.

"I think that can be arranged." I winked, gently kissing him again. He smiled warmly at me, and I relished in the joy our union brought me. I always knew as a child that I was meant to be with William, though my time locked away in the castle, and then subsequent fleeing from Ravenna, made me question that thought. Then I met Eric, and my thoughts of William were momentarily erased. The two men were so different, and yet so similar. Both were stubborn and demanding. But William was gentle, and all-around caring. Not that Eric was not, but his manner was gruff, and he could simmer in anger longer than any man or woman I knew. The number of times I fought with Eric over insignificant things was incomparable to William. We never fought. Once William and I were married, my alone time with Eric dwindled, obviously. I missed talking to him. I missed fighting with him.

I missed _him._

But then I would look at the wonderful man in front of me, who was a wonderful father to our son, and I remember that as Queen, sacrificing my happiness for the sake of others was part of the job. Not that I was not happy, I was. Extremely. But every now and then I would wonder what my life would have been like with Eric. Would I still be Queen? Would my councilors have let him be King? What would our children look like?

But then I remember how lucky I was to marry my childhood sweetheart. A man who would do anything for me, for his family, and for his country. And I realize how much I do love him.

"Are you alright?" William asked, bringing me abruptly out of my thoughts.

"Oh yes, sorry, I was just lost in thought." I smiled, resting my hands on his shoulders. "I love you, William, please know that."

William looked momentarily taken aback, for I was normally at _as_ open with my affection, but grinned and quickly responded, "I do, and I love you too, so very much."

* * *

I walked briskly around the castle courtyard, enjoying the cool morning breeze as it brushed against my skin. Baby William giggled merrily as the wind ruffled his black curls.

The joy I constantly feel at my new freedom is indescribable. I can walk around my castle, amongst my people, with little care. Granted, I do have guards that follow, at William's insistence, but they stay far enough back I hardly notice.

The morning market buzzed with activity. Servants rushed about gathering fresh items for dinner that evening. Vendors hawked their wares, happy to be free to do so. I remember the first time I walked through the market as Queen. The silence had been deafening. Now, I received a few small bows. I enjoyed the lack of attention.

Up ahead, the pounding of stone reverberated through the castle walls. Years of neglect from Ravenna's reign resulted in the need for an almost complete repair of the outer wall. So, at the advice of both William and my councilors, I ordered a complete overhaul of the wall immediately, along with a whole new section of housing to be built specifically for our guardsmen. I turned the duties of this work over to Eric, or Sir Eric now. After 6 months of grueling training, I both knighted him, and appointed him Captain of the guard. He was well liked among the men, and William and myself valued his friendship greatly.

He stood a ways in front of me, watching the stones being raised for the corner tower. Though not a particularly warm day, the sweat across his brow made it evident he had been working hard for quite some time.

"What do you think, your Majesty?" Eric said as he approached baby William and I.

"Errrk!" William squealed, reaching out a tiny fist and waving it wildly. Eric laughed heartily, and managed to still grab my hand and kiss it, his customary greeting to his Queen.

"I am quite impressed, Captain. The repairs look to be finished sooner than anticipated, am I correct?"

"Yes, I believe so. I estimate the wall will be complete in less than four months time." He smiled at me, obviously pleased with his work. "Since when can Will say my name?" It was my turn to laugh this time.

"I am not sure it is your name. He is making a bunch of different sounds right now. That was most likely his excited sound." I was trying not to laugh at the disappointed look on Eric's face. He had loved little William as if he was his own. He confessed to me once, shortly after my coronation and before I announced my betrothal to William, how much he craved a family. He was not completely over the loss of his wife, but I vowed to help him anyway I could. "But, he could be saying your name. It would be slightly amusing if he said your name before mine."

The smiled returned to his face as he motioned for me to follow. I easily fell into step beside him. We walked around the newest built portion of the wall, mostly in silence, but with the occasional explanation of how he had better fortified the walls, and what stones were used where. I am by no means an expert in these things, and so I tried my best to follow his descriptions. We made it back around to the corner tower, the stones being placed even higher than the surrounding wall.

"Please come to dinner tonight, Captain. William and I would love your company. A dear friend of mine should also be visiting ..."

"Stop, Snow. Just stop." Eric's voice had gone strangely quiet. He watched as I raised my brows at the mention of my name, and not my title. Few in the castle could get away with that breach of etiquette. I did not care personally, but my councilors did. "I refuse to be a pawn in your matchmaking game."

"Can you just give her a chance? She is really nice..."

"Why do you keep doing this to me? Do you not understand my feelings?" He paused, his eyes finding mine and piercing me with his gaze. "I told you. After Sara, there was only you, and will be only you. I know I cannot serve you in that way, so let me serve as best as I can, as your Captain. Please, I am not your project."

I hated this conversation. I knew he loved me. I knew he _loved me. _I loved him too, as a dear friend. I remembered there was a time when I thought I could love him that way. Even now, somewhere deep down, a part of me loved him as a man should be loved. Mind you, I never let those feelings surface, as my love for William kept me grounded and safe.

"I am sorry. I just want you to be happy." I whispered, adjusting baby William on my hip.

"I know, my Queen. And I am happy, in my own right." He sighed staring off into the distance. "I am sorry for getting us off on the wrong foot this morning. I really just wanted to show you the progress we have made. The men are working really hard, and you should be proud."

"I am proud. I want this castle to return to it's former glory, the glory of my father, and my ancestors before him. I want to wipe clean every memory of Ravenna from this land. She was a curse, and I want to be rid of her lasting influence."

"As you will be. Duke Hammond and I had a long conversation yesterday. Reports from the north indicate there are still a few loyal supporters of Ravenna, though I am not sure _why_ anyone would still support that evil wench. Her policies of repression, starvation, and death terrorized this land."

"They are hungry for power, as many of us are, somewhere deep down inside of us. Thankfully, many of us overcome that primal instinct. Revenge, however, can utterly possess you." I sighed. It was hard to imagine anyone could see Ravenna's way as the right way to rule. "All we can do is show them compassion, and grace..."

"With a sharp sword close by, precautionary of course." Eric interjected, a small grin caressing his face. I nodded in agreement, absentmindedly noting how the wind ruffled his shortened hair. Once he agreed to be Captain of the guard, and went through training, he cut his hair. It was hard to get accustomed too.

"Always the Huntsman." I smiled.

Eric beckoned me closer to the wall, explaining how the corner tower would be used to facilitate foot traffic through this wing of the castle. It would allow quicker access to both the inner courtyard and market area, as well as the guardsman's armory, in case of any threat. Twenty to thirty of the senior guard would also have quarters there, though Eric's quarters would remain inside the main castle. He wanted to be with his men, but at my insistence, he reluctantly agreed to stay in the castle.

"Your Majesty! Look out!" The voice echoed loudly as time almost stood still. I could hear the rumble of the stone, and knew, with horror, that the wall I was standing next to was crumbling. I clutched William close to my chest, trying to cover his little body with my own. I felt strong, warm arms wrap around me before the whole world went black.

* * *

"Snow! Snow! Everyone move faster!"

I could hear William's voice straining to be heard. Opening my eyes, I realized we were covered in stone blocks. William wiggled in my arms, and let out a wail.

"My son! My son! There are right here! Keep moving everyone! Snow?! Snow?! Are you alright? Please answer me!" William's voice was filled with panic and pain. I tried to say something, but the dust from the crumbing stones choked my breath. I realized I was cocooned underneath something warm, and large. _Oh no, Eric._

"Eric?! Eric?" My voice came out as a harsh whisper. I heard no response, but I felt a light ghost of a breath on my neck. A small shaft of light filtered down on my hands as William and others continued to pull the stones off of us. With the light, I could see the blood around me.

"The Captain!" Someone yelled. "Is he alive? Be careful moving him." The weight of his body against my back disappeared, and I raised my head to see William bounding over to me, tears running down his face. He threw his arms around me and baby William as he helped us to stand.

"I thought I had lost you." He cried against my shoulder. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks too as I grasped my son tightly against my chest.

"Oh William, what about Eric? He saved us." I pulled away and glanced over my shoulder. Eric's body was laying limp on a makeshift cot. Blood covered his face and shirt. The royal doctor was running across the courtyard. Several men surrounded Eric, attempting to cut his clothes off to assess the extent of his injuries.

"Please look away darling." William pulled me to him, but the doctor pulled him away again. I passed baby William to him, and the doctor quickly praised him as being uninjured. He fussed over me for a few minutes before I guaranteed him I was fine, and pushed him over to Eric. Eric had saved me and my son from any injury, and he could be paying for it with his life. William wrapped his arms around us again.

"If you had been any closer to that wall, both of you would have been crushed. My life would have been over." Seeing his father cry, baby William let out a wail again and reached for him. William gladly accepted his namesake into his arms, and held an arm out for me.

"Oh William, was there anyone else caught under the stones?" My mind momentarily forgot to ask this question, having been frantic to assure the safety of my child, myself, and our Captain.

"No, everyone else managed to get away." I nodded in understanding, but my throat constricted as we walked closer to where Eric lay.

They had stripped him of his clothing. He was naked, and battered, and completely still. The doctor was carefully examining him, but he stopped as we approached.

"Your Majesties," He began, wiping his now bloodied hands on a small rag in his lap, "I cannot readily tell the extent of his injuries. There are a few broken bones that I can set, but we will have to wait and see. We should get him inside, carefully, and clean him up first." He straightened, and walked over to us, speaking more quietly than before. "I must tell you, I have treated men under similar unfortunate circumstances. I know he is a good friend to both your Majesties, so I will be frank. I can make him comfortable, but he will most likely not survive the night."

I grasped William's hand between both of mine and squeezed, as if I thought he would slip away from me too. William, with a slight shakiness to his voice, spoke gently to me, "He saved you and William. We will do all we can to save him in return."

The true consequences of the entire event were swirling through my head. Not only had I nearly lost my own life, but I almost lost my beloved son as well. And now I may lose a dear friend to me and William, and a man whom I love deeply.

"Please do all you can for him, if only to ease his current pain."

"I will, my Queen." He bowed, and beckoned to the men who then slowly picked up the cot with Eric to follow him.

I reached for my son, pulling him out of his father's arms. I wanted to hold him close and never let go. I reached for William, who wrapped his arms around both of us. I never wanted to let him go either. If only I could feel the warm arms that had just protected my son and I around us, I would be complete. I could not let him go either. In this quiet moment, I suddenly remembered soft words, spoken in my ear as the stones were crashing around us.

_I will always protect you, my love._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!

_Previously from Cursum Perficio_

I reached for my son, pulling him out of his father's arms. I wanted to hold him close and never let go. I reached for William, who wrapped his arms around both of us. I never wanted to let him go either. If only I could feel the warm arms that had just protected my son and I around us, I would be complete. I could not let him go either. In this quiet moment, I suddenly remembered soft words, spoken in my ear as the stones were crashing around us.

_I will always protect you, my love._

* * *

I let William pull me away from the cot carrying Eric in to the castle. I tried to hide my tears, knowing the man whose body was now limp and bloody, might never speak to me again. He might never make me laugh again. Oh what I would say if I knew those would be the last words I would speak to him?

_I love you, truly I do._

Is it really true you do not know what you have until it is gone? God help me, I cannot lose _him_. I cannot lost any of them.

Baby William was almost asleep in my arms, surprisingly. I continued to hold him close, keeping my tears away from his face. William gently tucked an arm around me, leading me back towards the safety of the main castle walls. My feet stumbled on the stones, and several times William had to steady me before we continued. My body wanted to rest and run at the same time. Rest and realize what had just happened. Run and find out the severity of Eric's injuries.

"Come Snow, let us put Will down for a nap, and then, I think, you should lay down and relax." I started to protest, but William put a hand up to stop me for a moment. "A two hour rest will do us all some good. The doctor will let us know if his condition worsens. Right now, I think he would appreciate if we stayed out from under his feet."

"You are right." I sighed, realizing I had been holding my breath. "I will rest, and we can check on the Captain this evening, if we have not heard anything."

* * *

When I awoke, I realized I had slept the day away. The stress of this morning's accident weighed heavily on me. My hands clenched the sheets around me as the sights, sounds, and smells of the crumbling wall, of my baby crying, of the dust of the stone, and of Eric's arms around me, assaulted my mind. _I must see him._

Thankfully I had slept in my day dress, so I let my feet quickly pad across my chambers and head toward the opposite end of the castle. The people I encountered along the way all respectfully asked about my health. _'Thank you,' _I would say_, 'my son and I are fine. Please keep the Captain in your prayers. He saved us, so we must do all we can to save him.'_

When I reached the small room known as the infirmary, my feet slowed, and I stopped in front of the entrance. I needed to brace myself for what I might find, or for any bad news that might be delivered. When I peaked through the open door, I saw one of my ladies' maids gingerly washing the dirt and grime from the Captain's face. He looked peaceful, eyes closed and breathing slow.

"Oh, forgive me, Your Majesty. I did not hear you come in." Rose frantically stood to face me and curtseyed low. I waved for her to rise, and walked over to the sleeping Captain.

"How is he?" I barely managed to whisper, the raw emotions from earlier starting to surface again.

"He is mending, Your Majesty. The doctor gave him a mixture to sedate him while he straightened the bones, though he has never been awake. It was mainly to ease what suffering there was." She paused to watch me. "If he makes it through the night, then there is a good chance there was minimal damage inside, and he might survive." I looked at her quizzically. "Or that is what the doctor says."

"Do you mind if I take over?" I pointed to the washing rag in her hands.

"Oh, I do not mind. You should rest, Your Majesty." I noticed the blush that was creeping up her face, and part of me was elated. Maybe he would wake up to find this nice young lady taking care of him, and it would change things? However, in the back of my mind, a small voice was furious as it whispered '_he is mine!'_

"Please, Rose. He saved my life and my son's. It is the least I can do." I quickly jerked away the rag that was hanging limply in her hand. "If I need anything, I will call you." Her eyes widened at my assertiveness, and for just a moment, her eyes narrowed and her features creased in an unpleasantly hateful expression. Her expression faded as quickly as it was there, and she curtseyed, disappearing quietly behind me. I sat down in her vacated seat, and reached for the bowl of water she had been using.

He looked so vulnerable lying there. My hand trembled as I placed it gently on his chest. I could feel the faintly fluttering of his heart, and the soft rise of his chest with his shallow breaths. I took the rag, carefully rinsing it in the water, and diligently began cleaning his face and chest. Though someone had taken great care to do this already, I wanted to do it again. _Probably Rose, _my mind screamed acidly. I felt it was _my __duty_ to take care of him. _Not hers._

"Calm down." I whispered to myself. My fingers traced his cheeks, chin, and the curve of his lips with the rag. I brushed lightly across his brow, and tenderly outlined the sides of his face. Ringing the cloth out again, I carefully moved the fabric over his bare chest. They failed to replace the clothing cut off of him earlier, but a simple sheet had been tucked around his waist and covered his lower body. I felt the rush of heat in my face as my hand traced the cloth across his lower stomach, through the line of short golden curls that traveled down his stomach to be mostly hidden by the sheet, and over his hips. My eyes stopped suddenly on a puckered line of skin across his left hip. My finger pressed lightly against it, wishing to know when, and how, this scar happened. _I should ask him sometime._

I was honestly surprised by the lack of wounds across his torso, but I knew I would be horrified if I could see the bruising across his back. I could only wash a small section of each arm, as they were bandaged and set to not move. Obviously the doctor was hoping the broken bones would heal correctly.

"I am so sorry." The tears I had been holding back flooded my face. "This should have never happened to you."

I bent over and buried my face in the side of his cot, gently laying my cheek on his hand. Squeezing his hand gently, I said a silent prayer, asking God not to take him yet. He had so much more he needed to accomplish in his life. _And I need him in mine._

* * *

"Snow? Snow, my darling, are you alright?" My eyes fluttered open, seeing William through very blurry eyes. "Oh, Snow, your eyes are all swollen. Have you been crying all this time?"

I nodded, rubbing my eyes and feeling the swollen lids. I must have fallen asleep not long after my tears started falling. "Yes, William, I am sorry I did not come wake you. I needed to see how Eric was doing." William's arm's went around me, and I relished their warmth. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Well, it is mid-morning. You needed the sleep, though probably in a more comfortable fashion." He did not mean the last part as an admonishment, but I realized he was probably right as I felt the aches in back as I tried to straighten up.

"Wait! Eric?!" In the haze of sleep I forgot to look back at Eric, hoping beyond hope he was still breathing. I felt the strangled cry escape my lips when I saw the small rise of his chest. "He made it through the night? Does that mean he will be okay?" William smiled at me, reaching to pull me up out of my seat.

"The worst is over, that much is certain. It will take a long while for him to recover, if he does, the doctor says. But he is optimistic now."

"Praise be to God! Oh, let us celebrate. Well, I guess we should wait until he wakes up." William chuckled, and nodded.

"Yes, I think he would want to celebrate with us."

* * *

For the next two months, I visited Eric daily in the infirmary. After the first four days, he finally woke up. With each passing day after that, he regained a little more of his strength. He hated being confined to either his cot, or just walking within the infirmary itself, but until the doctor knew he would not do any further damage, he could not go outside the room.

Finally, after those two long, hard months, I escorted Eric out of the infirmary, and outside to take a walk around the castle wall. We had a hard time making it to the courtyard, for people were continuing to stop us, congratulating Eric on his improving health. William joined us after we finally made it outside, giving Eric a big hug.

"It is so good to see you!" William laughed heartily at Eric, his infectious smile brightening everyone's mood.

"Aye, it is good to see you too, and outside that blasted room." We all laughed at that. We were happy, the three of us. Things were getting back to normal.

* * *

_2 months later_

"Have you come to see the finished wall, my Queen?" Eric smiled at me as I approached. It was hard to imagine that four months after the initial wall collapse, the Captain was back out along the wall, supervising the placement of the final stones. I commanded he not do any true labor yet, while he was still recovering. Oh he argued and argued with me, but I promised, as Queen, I would let him get back to work. _E__ventually._

"Yes, actually, and just to see you. It has been a few days since we have taken a walk."

Eric stayed silent for a few minutes, not making eye contact. _Did I do something?_

"Captain, have I done something to offend you?" I took a step closer to Eric, and he took a step away.

"Shall we walk, my Queen?" He nodded toward the walkway along the wall, our usual walking path. I nodded, and fell into step beside him. He continued to distance himself from me, as he looked out over the wall and toward the countryside. After a while, we were far enough away from the last remaining workers that a private conversation would not be overhead.

"Enough of this silent treatment, Eric. Tell me what is wrong. Have you been avoiding me?" He held my gaze steadily, almost too intensely, and I felt a blush I could not withhold creeping up my face.

"Aye, I have." He answered, defeat heavy in his voice.

"Why? What have I done."

"Nothing. And everything. Ever since the accident, Snow, my heart aches to see you. I almost lost you ..."

"I almost lost you." I interrupted.

"Aye, but you being the lost one would have caused this country much worse pain. Listen, Snow, I have told you on numerous occasions there was only one woman for me after Sara, and that was you. If I cannot have you, then I need to stay as far away from you as possible. I thought I could handle my feelings, but I cannot. You have bewitched me, woman." He turned away from me, pacing along the wall.

"Wait, what are you saying? You are not leaving me, are you?" I cringed at the desperation in my voice.

"No, I am not leaving. But I cannot be around you like we have been. No more walks around the castle, no more chit-chat over meals. It is not fair to me, Snow. I love you too much."

"Not fair to you?! How do you think I have felt these past four months? A part of me would have died if you had. I cannot lost you. Ever. I love you too much for that."

"I wish I could have heard those words three years ago." This time, Eric whispered. His shoulders sagged, and he gripped the wall to remain upright. Though on the mend, he still was not fully recovered from the accident.

"What words?" I did not dare look at him as I asked this question. I knew what words he meant. _I love you. _I had not meant to say them out loud.

Glancing around him, the Captain came at me full speed, stopping just short of walking on my feet. Leaning into my face, his cheek lightly brushing mine, he whispered in my ear, "I love you. I will always love you." I gasped at his closeness, and I gripped his arm tightly to steady myself. Featherlight kisses were placed on my cheek, my chin, and the corner of my mouth, and I felt his lips whisper against mine, "And I want you, so badly."

And with that, he turned and walked away.

I felt my hand grasping the wall to keep me from tumbling to my knees. Something has definitely changed between us. _What happens now? _I thought. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy, and ... Eric.

Over the following months, nothing further was spoken between Eric and I. Only the occasional glance, or words spoken in greeting, were shared. However, I felt his eyes on my constantly, following my every move. Watching me as I walked with William, or played with baby William in the Grand Hall. Watching me during our Council meetings, as he was a valued member. One particular evening, after the evening dinner, Rose, my ladies' maid, approached me from behind, curtseying but staying low.

"Yes, Rose?"

"My Queen, I have been asked to give you this." She whispered, taking my hand and kissing it in greeting. I felt a small slip of paper transfer from her hands to mine in that small gesture of greeting.

"Thank you, Rose." She nodded, and slipped away. Noting William was occupied by the guest on his right, I turned my hand over to read the note.

_East wing corridor. Just before midnight. I cannot stay away from you any longer._

I quickly crumpled the note, debating the best course of action to be rid of it. My heart was racing, and it felt suddenly warm in the Grand Hall.

My footsteps silently echoed through the winding halls. I tried to stay within the shadows, even though their was no activity in these halls at this late hour. I darted across the shafts of moonlight that periodically lightened the stone floor and walls. Quickly making a right turn, I stopped and leaned against the wall to catch my breath. My heart was racing, not so much from walking quickly, but instead from realizing the gravity, and reality, of my situation. _  
_

I knew he was just down the corridor from me. I could sense him there, waiting for me to say _something. Anything. _What were we really doing?

"I came." I whispered into the darkness, afraid to step further towards the figure I knew was hidden in the shadows. The moment I took a step in his direction, I would be making a declaration. One I could never step back from. I wanted to tread that line very carefully.

"You did." He whispered back. A small shift in the shadows was my only indication that he had moved closer to me. We stayed silent for a few minutes, though my erratic breathing could probably be heard across the castle.

"Where do we go from here?" I hoped my voice conveyed strength as I struggled for my next breath, trying to calm my nerves. I heard him chuckle, the deep tenor of his voice rumbling like thunder down the hallway.

"My sweet Queen, that is entirely up to you." He took another step closer to me, and his face became illuminated in the small shaft of moonlight. I lost what little resolve I held on to and ran into his waiting arms. Those warm arms pressed me close, and I buried my face in his neck. I could feel the small kisses he placed on the top of my head and my temple. Pulling my head away from his neck, I looked up into his face. Those blue eyes pierced right through me, as if my soul was not only an open book, but the words were pouring off the page. Untangling my arms from his neck, I cupped his face in my arms, caressing his cheeks with a soft movement of my thumb.

I decided to take that step, the one I could never step back from. I pulled his face down to meet mine, my lips crashing into his as if my body was riding a raging tide. His arms held me painfully close, and I let out a strangled cry against his lips. I pushed myself away to catch my breath, needing space.

"What are we doing? _What am I doing?_"I took a few steps back from him, watching his expression turn into one of defeat.

"So you are just going to run off now, is that it?"

"No. Of course not. But I need answers. This is a dangerous road, Eric, and if we do not take the right steps our fall will be a long one."

"Aye. I would rather not take your road, but I have. And I will not turn around." He approached me again, reaching his hands out to grab my hips and pull me against him. I laid my head gently on his chest, hearing the rapid beating of his heart. I was honestly happy with the closeness, and only admonished myself when I thought this closeness was not enough.

"We will have to be creatures of discreetness, Eric. This has to be our most closely guarded secret."

"Secret?" A confused look passed over his face. "You mean to stay with him? And what, have me on the side like some toy?" Anger was very evident in the words he spoke.

"He is my husband, and my King, and I love him dearly. I would not toss him aside." I tried to keep from shouting, as my anger was rising to meet his. "And you are not some toy. I love you, Eric, the man and my Captain. Can we not just be happy like this?"

"And make your husband a fool, Snow?" He laughed sadly, pinching the bridge of his nose while he walked. "We are traveling one road, yes, but there is another I desperately want to travel with you. So desperately, that I am willing to make a fool of a dear friend, and risk treason, to do so. I would go anywhere, and do anything for you."

"You ask an awful lot of me, to risk my family and possibly my title to be with you." My hand lifted to caress his cheek, wanting to be closer again but not allowing myself to be.

"Aye, I know I do."

"I must think on this for awhile. But know I leave you tonight with an understanding of my love for you." Not very gracefully, my hands clutched in his shirt, pulling him to me. I kissed him gently at first, but a bit more roughly as the seconds ticked on. I pushed myself away, our heavy breathing the only sound I could hear.

"Good night, for now." I whispered.

"Good night, my Queen." His voice was deeper, laced with a husky tone I had not heard before. I had to keep my body from running to him again.

Turning, I slipped quietly into the shadows, and headed back the way I came. My mind was made up, though I did not want to admit it. I would walk down the other road Eric mentioned, but when I would let my feet take that journey, I did not know. Right now, I just needed to rest, and think on things. I needed to think about my son, and how my actions could affect him. Mostly, I needed to think about William. Dear, kind, gracious and loving William. Do I still love him? _Of course, without a doubt. _How could I do this to him? _I am being selfish, wanting what I cannot and should not have._

_But oh how I want him._


End file.
